I've got a very strange relationship with pop music. Over the last few years, it's changed from being patronising music aimed at the under 16's with lots of money to spend into something a little more intelligent. It all started for me with the Neptunes invading the charts. This then opened doors for other cool pop - see Gnarls Barkeley, Lily Allen and Nelly Furtado if you don't believe me.

Sometimes however, songs can be released to simply allow a fading or none "A" list celebrity the chance to show a "talent" for something other than shagging footballers or freeloading at parties. Cue hotel heiress and amateur porn star Paris "Fucking" Hilton's latest attempt at self publicity. Her new single, though championed by the usually respectable site Popjustice, is absolute fucking drivel. Drivel of a sort never heard before. Here's why:

- Lily Allen is having a bigger effect than she may realise. The producers have obviously used her sound as a template for the cod-reggae bullshit.

- The intro sounds like the Tide is High, which in fairness was a fucking rubbish Blondie track anyway.

You can listen here so make up your own mind. Here's something a hell of a lot better.

MP3 SOUND Team - Movie Monster

MP3 The Long Blondes = Weekend Without Make Up

PS - I do quite like the Oakenfold/Brittany Murphy tune...